But I know I could have beat him if I was 100%. I got lots of sympathy and claps on the back by everyone, including Coach. It could happen to anyone, you were bound to lose sometime, better now than at the championships.The thing is, I knew I blew it. And I knew why.The human mind is a miraculous thing. It can conceive things never imagined before and make them real. It can rationalize frailty so that the biggest screwup in the world can convince himself he's something special. And it can take a little data and twist it around and reach a conclusion. Not necessarily a good conclusion, a correct conclusion, but an accepted conclusion, nonetheless.What "facts" did my mind have to work with? First, Jill thought she was on some kind of probation until such time that I decided we knew each other well enough and I liked her enough to stick with her. Second, she was worried she had some competition from a girl I'd known for years, who lived near me, was in most of the same classes I was and. The girl dropped her bra and showed the crowd some floppy C-cups. Soon there were four girls topless on the porch. It stayed that way for a long time. Everybody was back focused on the band.At some point, and I admit I was pretty tanked by then, it dawned on me that Kelly wasn’t on the porch anymore and I didn’t see her anyplace. Patrick followed me as we wandered over by the bus. I didn’t see her there but I saw one of the other girls who had been showing her tits too. I inquired. She was very cagey. I assured her that Kelly could do whatever she wanted to, I just was wondering where she was.She brought us onto the bus. There was a bed-thing set up toward the back. There were four middle-aged men on the bus, all of them naked. One was fucking a girl doggy style. Next to them on the bed, all I could see was the large backside of a guy who was fucking something hidden underneath him. The girl said to me, “I think she’s under there.”The other two naked guys looked at us and were ready.
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